I'm Truly Sorry

i been thinking

what i had done

what i had said

i wish i could take back my word

*i made this cuppies for you. just to say..i'm sorry :(

two days lefts...

reminiscing back

when my grandmother lefts

went to d same place

6 years ago

and she not coming back after that

lay down far away from Malaysia

T_T

and all of this

make me scared like hell

i asked this question

to my mom, again & over again

mak, will you promised me that

you WILL coming back?

i just can't imagine

what had happen before

can happen again

because i miss my grandmother

always and always

soooo much!!!!!!! sigh~

O Allah,

please protect my precious

i do love both of them

i can't live without one of them

O Allah,

give d strength to both of them

ease all d way for them

and i pray that they

will have Haji Mabrur,

*i am too too scared what will happen. trying hard to put away this feeling :(

no more...

priority

excitement

discovering

curiosity

no more!!!

*the power to choose..it's beyond of my hand. i miss the good old days :(

Impian Teragung

ianya impian paling agung

yg masih tergantung dlm hidup ini

ianya impian yg paling sukar utk aku capai

impian teragung aku bukanlah percintaan

bukan juga cita-cita

tapi impian teragung aku adalah

sebuah harapan utk tujuh keping hati :(

hari-hari yg mendatang semakin pantas

kadang aku rasa terlalu takut

dapat ke aku lunaskan

impian teragung ini

sebelum segalanya terlewat

tapi apa kuasa aku?

apa daya aku?

apa kekuatan yg aku ada?

aku tak punya apa-apa

yg aku ada hanya titipan doa

yg tiada penghujungya

yg aku ada hanya harapan

yg tidak pernah padam walau sesaat

setiap masa

soalan yg menghantui diri ini

bila waktunya Ya Allah?

*adakah ianya kesudahan yg diakhiri dgn tangis kebahagiaan?

atau berakhir dgn tangis kekesalan? hmmm..~

:(

tak tahu kenapa

dengan diri aku

minggu lepas & minggu ni

air mata mudah sangat tumpah

mudah sangat terasa hati

[bulan tak mengambang pun. aku waras]

aku mula pergi ke pantai

habis saja waktu kerja

aku mesti singgah pantai kalau sempat

Ya Allah

aku tahu sifat buruk aku

terlalu memikir yg negatif

boleh jadi barah dlm diri ni

tapi salah ke kalau aku fikir?

sebelum sesuatu terjadi

lebih baik aku fikir ke arah tu

aku bukan kawan yg penyabar

aku kawan yg selalu gelabah

aku kawan yg selalu bertindak terburu-buru

aku kawan yg suka cakap ikut perasaan

aku kawan yg tak hormat keadaan org lain

aku kawan yg suka memaksa

segala yg tak elok ada pada diri ni

aku sedar aku bukanlah kawan yg baik

aku...rindu? ya!

aku mengaku aku rindu

aku bukan budak kecil

perlu diberitahu setiap saat

cuma dalam 3-4 hari sekali

sekurang-kurangnya bagi la tahu

terlalu sibuk, terlampau byk kerja

takda la aku fikir yg bukan-bukan

tapi aku dapat tahu dr mulut org lain

itu pun secara tak langsung, bukan aku tanya

aku...marah? ya!

tapi aku soal balik diri ni

apa hak aku nak marah?

siapa aku nak marah?

aku takda hak, aku bukan siapa-siapa

jadi, aku diamkan diri

marah pada diri sendiri

:( :(

*besok ada exam. aku cuba utk study. tp tak boleh, jiwa aku kacau sgt~!!!

Yes, i'm T.E.N.S.I.O.N

"S.T.R.E.S.S"

&

"T.E.N.S.I.O.N"

*too obvious to see it. especially on my face. sometime..i feel sooo down. sigh~ :(

:(

sweater hitam belang merah,

hingga saat ini

setia teman waktu aku tidur

sentiasa di sisi aku

sentiasa memanaskan

bila aku sejuk

walaupun ia tak mahal mana

tapi ia hadiah hari jadi

yg paling bermakna

yg paling aku sayang

tak tahu sampai bila

aku akan macam ni

setahun lebih dah berlalu

tp aku tetap disini

benci yg ada

tak dapat lawan

sayang yg ada

bodohkan aku?

*tunggu wish dari dia, tp tak ada. mungkin dia dah lupakan aku, tapi aku?

Ya Allah, sampai bila? hmmmm..~

05.05.11

time is running so fast~

another 10 days

for my convocation

in d previous entry

i said i will attend

:|

but

i still don't do anything!!

this morning received

sms from UiTM

a reminder

to answer as soon as possible

whether attend or not

to d convocation

seriously

really want to go

maybe this is my last chance

[if i'm not further for master]

for me to feel wearing d mortabot

to hold my scroll from dean,

make mak & ayah proud of me

:( :(

i thought to ask if i can transfer

my convo at UiTM Seri Iskandar

but don't have time to call

too busy for a few weeks lately :(

arghhh..~

sometime i wish

that i NEVER know you

from d beginning!!!

*mood: dilemma. melancholy. not in d mood~!!!

I'm Strong Girl

i made d decision

i'm going to d convocation

i just do it because of

my parents

mak really want to

see me hold d scroll

at d stage

:(

i'm doing this

just...to make

mak & ayah

smile & happy..~

even though it will

hurt me badly

i will get d strength

by wearing a costume

yerp, d clown

d actress will do d best

to make sure everyone happy

*seem like d clown have to action back just like before :)

Upside & Downside

it's quite a long time

not to post something here

busy? oh, is't?

just try to make busy~

miahahaha :p

upside? downside?

let's go with d upside first

ah, my convocation

for my first degree

its just around d corner

very big congratulation

to myself! you did it girl :)

went to student portal this morning

to check my name

oh yeah, saw lots of name

and i just...saw his name

2nd class upper~

as you said last year,

you wish to finish study

at least with 2nd class upper

so, you did it man!!

bravooooo~~

and its one of my wish too

i know i can't achieve

1st class, its too high for me

so we promise together

at least we will

walk down to d stage

to hold our scroll

with 2nd class upper

did you remember that?

ah, i bet nope!

so, d downside

am i really going to d convocation?

i don't ever know

will or will not..~

*Ya Allah, am i stupid? am i childish?

maybe it's d time where i have to put d clown costume again. sigh :|

Trustworthy

d flow and d way

a bit different

but

it can be same like before

who know isn't?

hmm..~

i know

all this things

keep on moving in my head

wanna know what in my mind?

'they' are just d same person like before!

i can trust with other things

but when it come about

love, feelings, relationship

i'm so sorry

i can't

i lost all my trust

to whom i called

a man~

until now

scared too much

to think about love

too scared if

it will happen again

big sigh..~

is't my fault if i'm hardly to trust a man?!

d fact is 'they' are hardly to trust!!!

*am i too prejudice? who cares~

I Miss You

i miss you damn-damn much!!!

but i dunno

how,where, when to start

sometime too tired

to keep everything fine

okay then not okay

over and over again

we are getting older

day by day

not younger

day by day

so, until when

all of 'this' will be end?

ego?

i know, i'm an egoist

but deep in my heart

wish i can talk, laugh

just like before

don't you feel what i feel?

nye, i miss you so much~

n i love you so much too!!

:(

*Ya Allah, can you give HER back to me?

i'm so jealous to see d others can talk, laugh, share this & that, bla-bla while i can't. sigh~

+.+

roti john

sunset

teh o ais limau, kopi ais

movies

fries celup mc flurry

nyanyi dlm box

cerita tentang masalah dunia, politik

tiup tudung :(

sweater hitam belang merah

*r i n d u

:|

T_T

"Do not count how many times people hurt you & go away.

Count how many times you hurt Allah & He never away "

i'm hypocrite

lie to myself

lie to everyone

pretend like i'm a good person

T_T

oh, its so shame!

i am just an ordinary person

who is always commit with sins

mistakes over and over again

*wish i have a 'restart' button. so i won't do it again.

aku penat

penat untuk mengelak

penat untuk mengalah

penat untuk berlakon

penat untuk jaga hati

penat untuk jaga perasaan

penat untuk memberi yg terbaik

penat untuk membetulkan keadaan

penat untuk kembalikan yg hilang

aku amat penat untuk jaga segalanya

baru rasa untuk hilang penat

aku akan rasa penat semula

penat yg seperti tiada penghujungnya

wallahua'alam..~

*Ya Allah, bila agaknya aku akan hilang rasa penat ni? tp aku TAK PENAT untuk doa segalaya kembali semula sebelum 'mereka' yg aku sayang tutup mata selamanya! :(

Being Thankful

pity mak for what had happen

but i know this happen for some reason

relief because the robbers do not do any harm

but, yeah! mak still trauma & scared like hell

three words from me,

Thank You Allah

endless of grateful & thankful

for saving my love mak!

to the robbers if not here,

i'm sure in the hereafter you will get the punishment!!!

*nowadays, world is getting cruel. its a sign 'end of world' isn't? hmm...~

Thank You For Loving Me

THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME (by Bon Jovi)

It's hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

*i miss 'pendekar mahawangsa' so muchhh!!! i miss to talk, to laugh & many more. every time i hear this song, it will remind me to you. i just dunno how to stop all this feeling. sigh..~